I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
