Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
