you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
