i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
