Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
