ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
