Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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