You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
