I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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