it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
