I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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