i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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