I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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