you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
