They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
