I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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