I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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