Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
