I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
