She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Two words: blizzard sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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