guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The adults are the big ones right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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