Nicole vs. Life
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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