Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
