We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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