He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
