I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
