Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
