I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
