We're facebook friends in real life
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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