Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
