I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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