I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
