Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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