You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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