Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
