but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
