I wish I could teleport
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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