He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
