goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
