I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
