two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
