i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
