i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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