the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
NoShamevember. You game?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
