I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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