omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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