Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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