nut hugger
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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