you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
