I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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