ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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