there's paper in my vomit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
