i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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