Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Randomize
