just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
