walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
