He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
